Struggling with Acedia or: What the heck does "buff" mean?

Yes, well, I hoped that title would grab your attention! I'm reading Kathleen Norris's new book with the weird title "Acedia and Me: A Marriage, Monks, and A Writers Life". Got that?

Acedia is an old word referring to one of the "vices" or "demons" that plague human beings. And though it's hard to define, I know I suffer from it, as does Kathleen. It isn't quite the same as depression; more a depression of the soul that encourages giving up, doing nothing, listlessness, avoidance--especially avoidance of God, the One to Whom I have given myself, or at least tried to.

She points out that acedia isn't just inactivity; that our culture is full of it. Maybe like the social worker I knew who, after a day of agonizing encounters with patients and the system, liked nothing more than to stop at the mall on her way home and just look. Or maybe like when we immerse ourselves in sports. Or maybe when we're trying to be "buff".

OK, maybe that's a stretch, but I wanted to tell you about a guy in my neighborhood who runs every day. A close friend of mine might describe him as "buff", but I don't know what that means. I even looked it up and none of the definitions fit a sexy body. So maybe one of you will illuminate me. Anyway, Tessa and I often see him, panting and sweating and looking miserable, running down the street, earphones on, looking straight ahead. We see him so often I feel we should be friends by now, but no. He never notices or if he does, there's no connection whatsoever. I guess he has a nice body, but where IS he?

Now, I realize I know nothing about the man's personal life and this may be the most healthy self-care he can give. So I'm not intending to be unkind. But he seems to me a symbol of acedia--running, running, trying to get away from it all, breathless and weary. Me, I'm more apt to sit and stare out the window.

I am grateful to Kathleen for raising this subject, for now I am more aware of this very effective demon and, with God's help, hope to rid my soul of it. For when acedia reigns, love and laughter and life are diminished. The things I am called to offer this world get neglected. Despair grows and loving action languishes. Does this ring any bells for you?

Well, whether it does or not, remember to breathe AND listen, look, laugh and love!!