You've heard the saying "be careful what you wish for", implying that if it shows up you might be sorry. First of all, I am NOT sorry! Falling in love with Robert is one of the most wonderful things that has ever happened to me, second only to being married to Norris and giving birth to the wonderful Melissa.
We often wish to be happy. I am happy. Is it easy? Is it stree-free? Am I totally comfortable with it? No. No. No. Two months ago I was tooling along, mostly accepting the widowhood status, joining the fitness center, enjoying my friends and spiritual direction practice, kind of "fishing" for a new man in my life. I was independent, could come and go as I chose, didn't have to please anyone but my dog and two cats; I had freedom.
Now I'm a "prisoner of love". Now there is someone who cares. Now there is someone for whom I care. Decisions aren't made lightly. My time is not just my own. Now others miss my presence. Now I don't know if I'm coming or going. Now I don't know if I want to stay in Lansing or move to Santa Fe. Now he doesn't know either. Now I pray with him morning and evening, even when I don't feel like it. He does the same. Now I try to think of ways to surprise and please him; he does the same.
Why is it so hard to change? Especially when the change promised is the best thing you can think of? Because we're creatures of habit, I guess. Because we like security and predictability, I guess.
Because we're a bit afraid of the new, I guess.
Would I have things any other way? Not a chance! I am grateful to my core. This "thing" called love is exciting, stimulating, creative, delightful, sometimes painful, always a deep joy! May God help us to change, to fall into love, to touch the other, and through that touch, help to heal the world.
