And a little child shall lead them . . .

After a month of sorrow over the loss of a good friend and disconnection from another one, as well as being ill, this past weekend was most redemptive, because of children and young people.

First I helped with a Baptism preparation class at church, which was attended by four couples and three baby girls. While the parents were sent off for some quiet time alone, I watched two of the girls--so sweet, so healthy, so totally natural and pure.

Later, I performed in a church "talent show" we call Cabaret. As I was getting ready, a child about 4 looked up at me and said, "Oh, how did you get to be so beautiful?" Ah. Then my friend who is almost 15, graciously took pictures of me. Beyond that, however, much of the evening consisted of performances by kids from 5-17--from fiddle music to rock to classical to show tunes to ballet to a full-blown medley from their upcoming production of "Godspel". They were most certainly scared; a few were hard to hear even with a microphone; but they DID it. For fun, for "practice", for their adored leaders, for love? Probably all that and more. (And they had a great deal of help, support and encouragement from some loving and devoted adults!)

The next morning, bright and early, those same kids were dressed in their choir or acolyte vestments and helping lead a beautiful worship. One sang the Psalm; several lit candles and did other "altar" duties; one read the lyrics to an anthem, then sung by high school kids; several stood up front while their leader told of their recent inspiring overnight in the Episcopal Cathedral in Detroit and an upcoming mission trip; one little girl helped her father with ushering; an 8 month old batted at her mommy and giggled all the way up the aisle as they went to Communion. That's only what I noticed; I'm sure there were many opportunities to rejoice in the young just at the one service.

I often feel our young are over-indulged and over-exalted. So today I change my lens and notice what examples they set, what joy they exhibit and elicit, what hope they represent. Thanks be to God for children! May we love them well.

The Power of Play

Yesterday I was in a bad mood, to put it mildly. Everywhere I turned, I felt frustrated and angry. BUT--for the most part I restrained my desires to "fight back", instead sharing all the silly details with a dear friend who doesn't live here. Just writing helped; and his response helped, a lot. Caused me to ask myself questions and somehow brought feelings of peace. I felt heard, understood, and challenged to reach deeply for God within me, to do the grown up thing, to draw on my relationship with God, to love others as I would want to be loved.

Anyway, the "play" part: in the evening I went with three friends to dinner and the theatre. The meal was good Eastern European comfort food; the play was a revue called "Forbidden Broadway" in which 5 actors did spoof after spoof of well-known musicals. It was funny, funny, funny. I laughed till my still fragile throat was sore.

In bed later, I couldn't stop thinking about it--that is, when I wasn't running the words to "Adelaide's Lament" through my head. (I'm performing? it for our church cabaret Saturday night.) Not once did I ruminate about all the day's supposedly important concerns. Things fell back into place; I fell back into my place. I regained my balance.

Thank You, God, for the gifts of good friends, good food, and good theatre.

What Can a President Do?

I watched President Obama on 60 Minutes last night, which probably wouldn't have happened except I'd been watching the MSU basketball game and suddenly there he was. I watched video of his visit with Jay Leno earlier. He seems to be everywhere. How on earth does he keep strong and well and clear-headed? No matter what choices he makes, there are naysayers who don't have a clue what to do either. The fact probably is: no one really knows what to do and if any of it will make a difference. We may be on such a slippery slope, we can't stop until we crash into that large wall at the bottom. This is not comforting.

Barack Obama tries to be comforting; tries to be confronting; tries to juggle the economy, foreign policy, unemployment, education, health care, the environment, to name a few. And behind the scenes are many hard-working people, doing the best they can to unravel the knots this society has produced. Unravel them without unravelling us. It's mind-boggling.

Some say the President has no business going on TV shows like Jay Leno's. Yet probably more Americans watched him there than anywhere else last week. If he wants to stay connected with the public, which he continually says he does, he has to be visible, accessible so to speak.

As we walked this morning, Tessa and I, someone's SUV was warming up in the driveway. I wonder if the man started it from inside the house. After he got in, the garage door went down. You don't have a garage? You don't have a garage door opener? Don't you have a cell phone and a blackberry and an IPod and Wii? If not you are definitely not successful in this world. Because we've grown accustomed to our toys--yesterday's novelties becoming today's necessities. Maybe it's time for us to "divest" ourselves, if it's not too late.

Meanwhile, my comfort comes from the Center of all that is, including the Center in me. But even there, I ask stupid questions, wander around in confusion, nurse my fears and worries and wounds. Even there, I do not find peace today.

But there, and around me, I do find gratitude--for this hour, this place, this life. May you feel and express gratitude wherever you and the Center meet!

Praying Mary Oliver It doesn't have to be the blue iris, it could be weeds in a vacant lot, or a few small stones; just pay attention, then patch a few words together and don't try to make them elaborate, this isn't a contest but the doorway into thanks, and a silence in which another voice may speak. Source: Thirst I like the poetry of Mary Oliver and am looking forward to giving a review of her work at church Monday. It looks like I'll be well enough to do so and I'm grateful. The church had a healing service last Sunday, but I was too sick to go. :) Some Episcopal churches regularly offer the laying on of hands and healing prayer, but we hadn't done it on a Sunday morning in several years. Many participated and seemed deeply touched by it. How wonderful!! Who of us is healed and whole? It is so easy to make assumptions and to judge harshly. No matter what we think we know about another, there is always suffering we aren't aware of. So---what does our God require of us, "but to do justice, to love mercy and to walk humbly with our God." Micah 6:8 Spring is here!!!

Another gorgeous day

Sometimes I feel sad about all the days I haven't been aware of the beauty around me. Probably more days than I'd like to know. No sense crying about it, though; there is now. And now, even in my flu-drenched misery, I do notice--the frost patterns on dead leaves, the low haze over the park, the sun side-lighting the budding tree branches, the light blue of the sky above, the liveliness of my little dog as she trots ahead, sniffing here and there, making her mark where she can. Now that the snow is gone, it's as though she's discovered her whole world anew and she can't sniff enough!!

Yesterday I had a very painful "attack", which turned out to be indigestion, but could have been a heart attack. I was very concerned; enough so, that I called my surrogate daughter who is a nurse practitioner, as well as my biological daughter, just in case I died in this process. Well, I didn't die, but it gave me pause. I spoke "kindly" to my Creator and thought maybe I'd get to see Norris again.

Well, she came over, checked my vitals, brought me something for my cough, and pronounced that I would probably live. Just having her TLC for a few minutes felt so wonderful. And then, to top it off, she took Tessa for a run, which they both enjoyed. A strange afternoon, but wonderful, too; loving, generous, and humbling. When my daughter returned my call, I was feeling pretty good again. I'm still staying home--8th day in a row--but last night I slept well and the cough is loosening and not so painful.

So maybe that's the reason I'm feeling joy and gratitude this morning. At my church they are having a healing service, something I support and really wanted to attend. Ironic, eh? Too sick for the healing service. But healing will take place--for me and all the others. And I will add my prayers to theirs--for all the individuals who suffer (who doesn't?), for our parish, the church universal, for devout people of every religion, for the leaders and followers in every country on earth, and for the earth herself. May all be healed! Amen.

In which we speak of. . .whatever

One of my favorite songs in musical theatre is "Adelaide's Lament" from "Guys and Dolls". Near the end she sings, "With the sneezes and the wheezes and a sinus that really a pip; with a lack of community property and a feeling she's getting too old, a person (pronounce "poison") can develop a bad, bad cold!"

Well, I have developed one and I don't think it's the same problem Adelaide had, although....Hmmm. Guess I won't go any further with this.

So I've been inside, except for dog outings, three days straight. Lots of time to read and rest and blow my nose and think and get a bit zooey. In the hospital, patients sometimes get that way after many days of "incarceration". I mean really "zooey". I think I'm mostly sane--so far.

The weather here fits my mood--dark and soggy. I know it will improve and so will I; just part of the process of living. So no deep spiritual or political insights today, friends. Actually, I don't have those many days, but just wanted to let you who read know I'm still here and I'm still grateful and I'm still smiling. I hope you are, too.

Thank you, Mom and Dad!

Wow! Today is my birth day, or more accurately, it WAS my birth day, 66 years ago, in Adrian, Michigan. As I heard the story just a few years ago, Dad was sure twins were enough, even if they WERE girls.:) But Mother wanted another child and finally convinced him, I suppose hoping she could give him a son.

I'm finally old enough that I really can almost imagine my parents making love. I always figured they did it twice--and got three girls out of it. But I under-estimated, don't you think? :)

I never had any sense that they were disappointed with my gender; only that I was rather a nuisance and frequently in the way. Parents say and do so many things, don't we, that our kids notice and misinterpret. I think it's inevitable.

Well, I'm grateful to my parents for making love, for assisting God in creating the one and only "me", for working so hard to make it possible for me to thrive, for quietly letting me go when it was time, for letting me love them more and more visibly as they neared the ends of their lives. And for so much more!

This has truly been a blessed time. In the past few days, everyone I feel close to has been in touch one way or another. I've had songs, cards, emails, lunches, gifts, Facebook entries, hugs, phone calls, flowers, and so much love. I had almost no expectations for this birthday, but as the Spirit would have it, it has been most memorable. And perhaps the pain of being without Norris is a bit less than the last three birthdays. I feel his love and care surrounding me somehow. And his/our daughter, for whom I am ever grateful, personifies that love to me every day.

Thanks for reading! Thanks for life! Thanks for love-making!

Changing the Lens

Sometimes in life it helps to "change the lens" on one's world-view camera. Lenses range all the way from microscopes to telescopes and everything in between--showing broader or narrower views. Last night, quite by accident (I thought), I looked through a different lens. Someone asked me if I would serve as a speech judge for something called the Academic Decathlon. It was just a couple of hours on a Monday night, so why not?

This is a wonderful program designed to encourage academic excellence in a variety of areas. Each school has a team of nine students: 3 must get A's; 3 must get B's; and 3 must get C's or under. Very creative here. So two of us were put in a classroom and we listened to 8 prepared speeches of 4 minutes each, plus an impromptu speech of 1 1/2 minutes. I was the timekeeper and each of us had to score them on various aspects of their presentation.

Well, what a mix of kids and topics! What a cross-section of America! We had 2 black males,
2 white males, 2 white girls, 1 black girl, and 1 Vietnamese-American girl. They were 9-12 graders. We weren't told their age or their school. So here they came, one at a time, pretty much scared to death, to stand in front of these two "judges". I was so impressed with their courage and efforts.

Some speeches were more intellectual and well thought out, some were clever, some were poignant. I remember talks about citizen involvement in a democracy, why drug rep lunches are a good thing, the way music video games demean "real" music, why lipo-suction is a bad thing, why Walmart is a bad company, what creatures from another planet might experience when visiting earth. and then there were the other two. An extremely nervous young man told the deeply personal story of how his dad "took" his sister away when he was a little boy and how he and his mom have never seen her since. And the young woman who lives with her legally blind mother, has been in trouble with the law, detests the rest of her family, and the plans she has for the future, including becoming a tatoo artist, a cop, a district attorney, and a judge. And how she never wants to get married or have children.

Well, I wanted to take them all home with me! Doubt I was a very harsh judge, as I felt sympathy for each one; respect and admiration, too. But my partner and I consulted and we tried to do a fair job. I was reminded that 40+ years ago I was the speech and drama teacher at a local junior high school and what a heart-rending job it was sometimes. I lasted two years. I marvel at teachers who never give up. Maybe that's partly because of kids like the ones I met last night. Good, scared, awkward, sensitive kids! Kids that renew my hope for the future! I am grateful for the chance to change the lens once again!

Keep breathing deeply, friends. All shall be well.

Good and faithful servant

Early this morning, a good man died. He was 78 years old, had an abundant life in most respects, was married to his high school sweetheart for 58 years. They raised four children, have eight grandchildren and two great-grandchildren. His wife and I have been close friends for almost 30 years. And because of that, he became my friend, as well. When my husband lay dying in our living room, they came, together, many times to see us, just to be, with us. I'm sure he hated having to see Norris that way, but he did it.

He was a large taciturn sort of guy, with a wicked, and I mean wicked, sense of humor. It took me years to figure out that behind that stern face and gruff voice, he was teasing. The two of them traveled extensively, partly because his work as a top-flight meeting manager (AMA, etc.) took him all over the world. Yet he was as down to earth as they come. He weathered years of family members' addictions , hanging in there even when he was depressed and weary. After he retired, he became a fine potter and I treasure the several pieces he gave to me.

He was a devoted Lutheran and served God and the church in many ways. Just as Norris did, he donated his body to the MSU medical school, to assist students in learning anatomy--a most worthy final act on this earth.

I am grateful for such dear friends and sad to see him move on. But I do rejoice for him. " Well done, thou good and faithful servant." As his spouse wrote this morning, "God is good and that is enough." Amen.