How Lovely Is Your Dwelling Place: Searching for a Spiritual Home

This is the title of the October 12-17 retreat I will be leading at Ghost Ranch in northwest New Mexico. I have had the pleasure and privilege of going to Ghost Ranch almost yearly since 2002, finding renewal and growth in the mystery of the high desert, the limitless sky, the quiet yet so alive earth, and the amazingly diverse and interesting people I meet there. I've offered what I could and it has been well received.

Never in my wildest imaginings, however, did I expect a book publisher to notice. But notice she has and I am engaged in serious plans towards a formal proposal to her company. This opportunity is not something I sought, but not something I can walk away from either. I'm won't go into more detail here, but I have good reason to believe this is an upstanding and successful company.

So much of our society is "homeless". Too many are literally so; but millions more are homeless in the depths of their beings. And that's what I'll try to write about. How and where do we find and effectively dwell in our homes--our inner home, the deepest most mysterious part of ourselves; our outer relational homes and communities? How do we dwell in and with God? How do we dwell in and with the Earth and all its inhabitants? This is what I will be pondering as I move forward with this project. It may never be published, but I can't not try. I feel God nudging gently and encouragingly. I am afraid; I am thrilled; and I am willing to take on the challenge. No matter how it ultimately turns out, today I am grateful for what I am learning, for the challenge this presents, and for the loving support of many friends. I feel more alive than I have since before my husband died. May it all be blessing!

A good send off

Yesterday I participated in a beautiful memorial service. We "sent off" a fine man who died before he was 70, after many years of fending off leukemia. He was a trumpet man and so we had a brass quintet in his honor. At the end of the service, which contained a variety of wonderful music, the quintet played a "subdued" Dixieland version of "Amazing Grace". I want that at my farewell party! It was so tender, so hopeful, so celebrative. Just what our trumpet man would have loved!

And my "son" friend came home from the West to play the organ with verve and love! That not only nourished the widow, it nourished my spirit as well. He and I have been through a lot of stuff together and I'm grateful we could share such a special sacred time.

Finally, I'm so grateful that my parish church and its staff and people are open and accepting, gladly offering this beautiful space for someone who "isn't a member." We believe in the Bible verse: "God's house shall be a house of prayer for all people."
There are those who have left this particular house of God because of narrow and exclusive reasons. I stand proud that we stayed and can see blessing after blessing, no matter how hard it sometimes is. Thank you, God, and thank you, St. Paul's.

The Wonder of Feeling Well

Who knows how long it will last, but this past week I have felt better than I have in a long time. The virus seems to have been at least pushed in the background, the aches and pains are significantly less, I'm sleeping less and best of all, I've had energy.
I am almost through weaning off an anti-depressant drug I've taken for several years. Wondered how it would feel to be off it and also wondered if it was even effective anymore. On Tuesday I will be done. I'm not adverse to taking something again if I need it, but it's rather exciting to see how I'll do. One of the conundrums I and others have about those kinds of drugs is whether we are still really "us" when we're on them. Well, I know I'm still me when I take high blood pressure medication or antacid pills. So, logically, the "brain drugs" shouldn't change us either, right? And yet it's difficult to fully accept that. So I will see how I am in a few weeks (or less) and then the Dr. and I will discuss whether I need a some more "help". Since depression and bi-polar disease ran in my mother's family, I have good reason to believe it's part of my genetic makeup, too. And I have seen friends move from near immobility to active, contributing lives through the use of psychotropic drugs. How fortunate we are to have them available! So we'll see what happens. In the meantime, I'm feeling energized and hopeful once again and I give God thanks!!

Don't forget to breathe!

Look your children in the eyes

I notice when walking Tessa that parents are always out in front, pulling the bike trailer, for instance; or behind, pushing or running with the stroller. In the car, kids are in the back seat, the parents in front. Perhaps this is as parent/child relations are meant to be. The parent leads or pushes/supports from behind. As children see adults step boldly forth into life in spite of their fears, they are inspired to grow. The harder part is standing behind them, pushing, cajoling, supporting, letting go. But in either position, we adults don't face into their wondering eyes. We miss that deep intimate sharing, maybe because of a sense of guilt. We brought you into this incredibly wonder-filled, awesome, confusing and terrifying world. Please don't look at me like that! (Our parents undoubtedly felt the same and maybe it has always been thus. Except in the past the demands of life were so "close in" and immediate, parents didn't have a global perspective or the time to ruminate about it. The chores had to be done and the kids had to help. Survival was in the balance.)

The position of being side by side, especially including touch, is also crucial, be it reading, watching a movie, going to a ball game, exploring the back yard, eating or talking about whatever. Sometimes the child looks up and the parent looks down and they share what they've had from the very beginning--eye/soul contact--a reassurance to them both that there is something deeper; that ultimately all will be well.

My neighbors have two beautiful little kids. Often I hear them playing in the yard, always under the protective eye of their mom or dad, and their pure joy, their full-bodied giggles, even their frustrations and irritations, bring a warm glow of hope to my soul. I'm pretty sure these parents look their children straight in the eyes, at least when they put them to bed at night, letting them know that in spite of everything, their love is strong, powerful, unconditional and eternal.

Let's check in, eye to eye, with the children in our lives today!