I notice when walking Tessa that parents are always out in front, pulling the bike trailer, for instance; or behind, pushing or running with the stroller. In the car, kids are in the back seat, the parents in front. Perhaps this is as parent/child relations are meant to be. The parent leads or pushes/supports from behind. As children see adults step boldly forth into life in spite of their fears, they are inspired to grow. The harder part is standing behind them, pushing, cajoling, supporting, letting go. But in either position, we adults don't face into their wondering eyes. We miss that deep intimate sharing, maybe because of a sense of guilt. We brought you into this incredibly wonder-filled, awesome, confusing and terrifying world. Please don't look at me like that! (Our parents undoubtedly felt the same and maybe it has always been thus. Except in the past the demands of life were so "close in" and immediate, parents didn't have a global perspective or the time to ruminate about it. The chores had to be done and the kids had to help. Survival was in the balance.)
The position of being side by side, especially including touch, is also crucial, be it reading, watching a movie, going to a ball game, exploring the back yard, eating or talking about whatever. Sometimes the child looks up and the parent looks down and they share what they've had from the very beginning--eye/soul contact--a reassurance to them both that there is something deeper; that ultimately all will be well.
My neighbors have two beautiful little kids. Often I hear them playing in the yard, always under the protective eye of their mom or dad, and their pure joy, their full-bodied giggles, even their frustrations and irritations, bring a warm glow of hope to my soul. I'm pretty sure these parents look their children straight in the eyes, at least when they put them to bed at night, letting them know that in spite of everything, their love is strong, powerful, unconditional and eternal.
Let's check in, eye to eye, with the children in our lives today!
I hope your neighbors can read your blog. They would appreciate the way you honored them and their children. Knowing the history there, it is good to hear your words today!
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Hmmm, not sure what sparked this blog entry, Carol. Perhaps the folks you see in public pushing and pulling their kids in public do indeed face them at meals, reading a bedtime story, or tying their shoes. I always have felt that eyes are the window to the soul, and I must see a person's eyes to help to understand them better. I hope you are getting the "eye contact" that you are craving.
ReplyDeleteSounds like this one didn't sit too well with you. Perhaps I shouldn't use the word "always". My intent was to lift up how much time we in this culture spend, perhaps not only as parents, pulling and pushing, instead of being. Being allows real communication. I know a number of families with growing children and I'm sure there are eye to eye times. I'm not sure there are very many, though, what with all they are constantly "doing". I guess that was my unspoken point. I didn't intend to attack parents, only to remind.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the hopes for my own eye contact. We certainly all desire and need it, don't we. As always, I appreciate your comments very much.
Yes, a valuable lesson indeed, to allow for time to just be together. And time for kids to play, rather than rushing off to scheduled events. A good reminder for everyone, with or without kids, for that matter. Thanks, Carol.
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