I got passionate and responded, loudly, to a negative remark at a meeting the other night. I thought I was defending those in charge who are working hard from the "let's be realistic" attitude of someone who hasn't been directly involved recently. He seemed OK with my remarks. We've known each other for years and have been part of many contentious meetings.

What troubles me is the perception that my "outburst" was seen as negative and helped to end the meeting on a less than upbeat note. I've experienced this reaction to my anger all my life. I don't understand it very well. People usually experience me as friendly, humorous, warm, even gentle. So is that why it's such a "surprise" when I actually express a vociferous opinion? Some people speak bluntly and loudly and don't seem to get that reaction. Handling anger appropriately is a challenge to all of us; hence the state of the world.

I was never allowed to openly express it growing up, so I kept it in or took it out on doors, which I slammed violently. My mother used to call that "wooden swearing", so even that action wasn't approved of. I have always been fearful of any sort of conflict.

In my "new life" as an older person and a widow, I find I care less what people think, and I carry a fair (or unfair) amount of anger, so I express myself openly more often. I think it is healthy, even though I know it can also be hurtful, even destructive. So while I'm sorry I have offended others, I'm also pleased that I finally have the courage to use my voice without so much fear. Once again, the challenge, I know, is to find a balance. And that I will continue to be aware of. I ask God's help in that effort. But I also rejoice that I can speak over my fear and work through the responses to that voice!

Peace be with us all and have a safe celebration of our country's birth!