The Wonder of Feeling Well

Who knows how long it will last, but this past week I have felt better than I have in a long time. The virus seems to have been at least pushed in the background, the aches and pains are significantly less, I'm sleeping less and best of all, I've had energy.
I am almost through weaning off an anti-depressant drug I've taken for several years. Wondered how it would feel to be off it and also wondered if it was even effective anymore. On Tuesday I will be done. I'm not adverse to taking something again if I need it, but it's rather exciting to see how I'll do. One of the conundrums I and others have about those kinds of drugs is whether we are still really "us" when we're on them. Well, I know I'm still me when I take high blood pressure medication or antacid pills. So, logically, the "brain drugs" shouldn't change us either, right? And yet it's difficult to fully accept that. So I will see how I am in a few weeks (or less) and then the Dr. and I will discuss whether I need a some more "help". Since depression and bi-polar disease ran in my mother's family, I have good reason to believe it's part of my genetic makeup, too. And I have seen friends move from near immobility to active, contributing lives through the use of psychotropic drugs. How fortunate we are to have them available! So we'll see what happens. In the meantime, I'm feeling energized and hopeful once again and I give God thanks!!

Don't forget to breathe!

Look your children in the eyes

I notice when walking Tessa that parents are always out in front, pulling the bike trailer, for instance; or behind, pushing or running with the stroller. In the car, kids are in the back seat, the parents in front. Perhaps this is as parent/child relations are meant to be. The parent leads or pushes/supports from behind. As children see adults step boldly forth into life in spite of their fears, they are inspired to grow. The harder part is standing behind them, pushing, cajoling, supporting, letting go. But in either position, we adults don't face into their wondering eyes. We miss that deep intimate sharing, maybe because of a sense of guilt. We brought you into this incredibly wonder-filled, awesome, confusing and terrifying world. Please don't look at me like that! (Our parents undoubtedly felt the same and maybe it has always been thus. Except in the past the demands of life were so "close in" and immediate, parents didn't have a global perspective or the time to ruminate about it. The chores had to be done and the kids had to help. Survival was in the balance.)

The position of being side by side, especially including touch, is also crucial, be it reading, watching a movie, going to a ball game, exploring the back yard, eating or talking about whatever. Sometimes the child looks up and the parent looks down and they share what they've had from the very beginning--eye/soul contact--a reassurance to them both that there is something deeper; that ultimately all will be well.

My neighbors have two beautiful little kids. Often I hear them playing in the yard, always under the protective eye of their mom or dad, and their pure joy, their full-bodied giggles, even their frustrations and irritations, bring a warm glow of hope to my soul. I'm pretty sure these parents look their children straight in the eyes, at least when they put them to bed at night, letting them know that in spite of everything, their love is strong, powerful, unconditional and eternal.

Let's check in, eye to eye, with the children in our lives today!

I will Not Die an Unlived Life

I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible;
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance,
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom,
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit.
Dawna Markova

I have a long history with this poem. For now, though, I'll let it stand on its own! Glory to God for another day to breathe, love, laugh and give.

A Special Day

My husband was such a wonderful photographer!
Celebrating 44 years since he and I were wed.
Feels like we still are, even though he's been
"away" almost four years.