Heart Listening

Heart Listening

(I am re-posting this blog post from a year ago, because I will be doing much the same thing next weekend and I think the message is still important.)

Tomorrow afternoon through Monday lunch I'll be leading a small group of women in an Advent retreat. In our church year, Advent begins four Sundays before Christmas and is a time of preparation, anticipation, hope, introspection, a time of saying "yes" to God, as did Mary, the mother of Jesus.

At this retreat, we'll do some talking as we sit in a circle, thinking and writing about Mary and how we experience her. We'll spend the night in silence until after breakfast Monday. In the morning, we'll pray together, spend time alone, listening for what God might be communicating, and reflecting on what that means to our lives. We'll spend time sharing in the circle and close with a ritual of celebration and hope. Then we'll eat lunch and launch back into our normal lives. Sometimes people say "back to real life", but I believe all of life is REAL life, even when we don't appear to be doing much.

These times of open waiting, trusting, being, are a much-needed corrective to keep our lives in balance. As Christians we believe in serving, doing good, acting for social justice and peace. But we must also refill our souls from time to time, allow God a word in edgewise, so to speak. Those times keep the inner well flowing, giving us the strength, discernment, and courage to "do". It is one of my greatest joys in life to facilitate these times of retreat, of moving away from the noisy world, of tuning in to the One who wants to do more for this world than we can ask or imagine.

May our prayers on retreat touch each of you with blessing!

My addiction? Friends

I just spent almost an hour catching up with various friends via Facebook and blogs and have decided maybe THAT'S really my addiction. When the computer guru took my machine away to clean it up overnight (and boy is it ever better!), it was like my lifeline was going out the door. He had looked at my email program, gulped, and said something like, "You really have quite an email life, don't you?" And yes, I do. While I wrote previously of being addicted to the internet, on further reflection, I realize that's only another expression of a lifelong addiction to, as in need for, relationships.

A healthy life depends on keeping my balance. So I see nothing sick or overly needy about this addiction, unless I notice I'm grasping at or hanging onto someone. Then I know I'm out of balance and not attending enough to the Source of my life and love. But just now I was reveling in one friend's reflection about "Sesame Street"as it turns 40. She and her family have been a joyful part of my life for over 30 years. Then I reveled in a young friend's update on her toddler. This woman is my daughter's dear friend, a person of intelligence and grace. Observing her and her husband as they delight in this little one is such a joy.

So the report on the email was that I had over 400 contacts and had over 1800 saved emails, in probably 20 folders. (Of course lots of that has to do with various aspects of ministry.) Too many friends? Perhaps. There are countless levels of intimacy, of course. And no matter how close I feel to someone, it isn't the same as when that one other person's life was deeply intertwined with my own. But even during those 40 years, I was always "acquiring" new friends.

Now, on Face Book, I am starting to "ignore" some requests, because the "friends" are only acquaintances. At least that's how I see them. There is seldom a fully mutual attraction between people. Earlier, I said yes to every request, but soon realized it was silly and unnecessary. Not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings, I haven't "de-friended" any. But I ignore a lot of them. When I start to think that is unkind, I remember that no one can sustain countless "close" relationships and that spending oodles of time on many takes away from the quality of the few truly close ones.

Sometimes friends drift away and we grieve their distance. Yet somehow I believe the bonds of deep connection are always there and real, even when one or both people fly off in different directions. That's what I trust. I am deeply grateful for every friend--past, present, future, forever. I am deeply grateful to THE Friend in whom all friendship dwells.

What's your addiction?

Gerald May wrote an important book several years ago called "Addiction and Grace", in which he pointed out how all of us have addictions and that all of them are means to deal with, or avoid dealing with, the struggles of living, the unanswered questions about meaning and "what's it all about, Alfy?", the restlessness of our souls and on and on.

Well, I know I'm addicted to the Internet, especially to emails. I have written thousands of words to friends and family over the past 10 years or so--millions, is more like it. Today I noticed I hadn't emptied my deleted folder for a couple of days and there were already well over 200 emails in it. That doesn't count the 20 or so other folders which hold the many that I've saved, for whatever reason.

I was excited when I discovered the library at Ghost Ranch was now wireless, so I could use my laptop online. And of course there's Facebook, which offers everything from complete drivel to really important news and views. It increases my awareness of some things, but I waste too much time there. Not to mention the frustrations of using it, as its "rulers" keep changing things.

So the book I'm writing is going to ponder that question, among many. Why are we so starved for company and companionship and someone to listen to us? Why are we so needy? Why when we say we're so busy do we find time to spend online? What is missing?

And why, with all these means of "communication" at our fingertips are we doing less real communicating than ever before? Most organizations that I'm aware of suffer from too many instances of "a flurry of emails". Someone says or doesn't say something; someone does or doesn't do something and the fur begins to fly. Emails trip over one another as they enter inboxes and outboxes. The leaders tear their hair and the organization suffers!

I've had more "fights" with people I love since email than I had in the previous 50 years. In some cases, the outcome was healthy, but lots of times we clearly weren't on the same page and damage was done, for the most part unintentionally.

I am grateful for email and the internet, but I am also concerned that we use these tools carefully, with respect, with forethought, with restraint, with compassion and understanding.

Carrie Newcomer (www.carrienewcomer.com) is one of the best writers and musicians around these days. One of her songs is called "Don't Push Send." Yes!!

Let's bring our hearts and spirits into our internet use, just as we try to do with other relating. Maybe we could be more prayerful--that is centered, calm, open-minded and open-hearted, when we approach our computers. Maybe we could pray to be free of addiction, of grasping at this incredibly powerful medium to satisfy our unmet needs. At any rate, that's what I intend to do--one day at a time and with God's help.

The Smells of Home

Well, actually, they aren't all good ones. Dog pee in carpet does not tend to bring tears of joy to my eyes! But the smells of fall in Michigan are luscious and help me to be grateful for home. Re-entering after being gone so long is awkward and tiring. Yet how can I be anything but grateful? I have a home to come to. It is relatively peaceful, if you don't count the little yapper I'm hearing just now. It is warm and cozy, even if a bit cluttered and dirty. And modest though it is, it is more luxurious than that of millions, billions, of people in this world. So I give thanks, especially for the smell of wet leaves on the ground, of wood burning stoves, and even of pee from a sweet little dog.

But dear young friends who share this fair city, are struggling, terrorized, because a young man was murdered a block from their home. How does one feel safe in such a place? The evil perpetrated by the shooter only begins with taking a life, horrible as that is. It ripples out into the whole community, adding to the cumulative evil that is always there, but is highlighted by events such as this one. The evil of ripping away a life, of devastating loved ones left behind, of igniting powerful and understandable fear, even panic, among the neighbors, of destroying young people's dreams, of wasting community resources to find and prosecute and institutionalize the killer, and on and on it goes. One act on the part of one person and he/she has caused all sorts of evil repercussions. The evil didn't begin with the shooter either, so it goes backward and forward, bringing untold ramifications in the lives of countless people.

When I hold this horrid event up against the days of peace and beauty I have just been privileged to experience, I know not what to think or how to feel. There is evil where I was, too. It is everywhere and it is when something hits close to home that we are forced to acknowledge it. We are not forced, however, to give it power over us, hard as that is to do. It is there, at the place where decisions must be made, that I ask for God's help. Help us to hold fast to the good, to the just, to the beautiful. Help us to face evil and tell it to go to hell. Help us to love one another in whatever ways are most kind and healing. Help us!! Someone said all prayer could be summed up in these four words: "Wow", "Help", "Please" and "Thanks". That may not be accurate, but for today at least, those are my prayers.

Let's not forget to breathe--deeply and gratefully.