Time is Irrelevant

If you're willing to check in, hello again! What a drought in writing. I have an excuse, as you know if you've read this space in the last six months. That's right! Robert and I have been together for six months.

The older I get, the more I realize time has little true meaning. Hard to believe it's been six months. And yet, we knew we were in love in just a few short days together. Sometimes the weeks apart have seemed like years. Time flies; time stands still. For us, it has done both. So this blog can withstand a little "time away" and still be viable, I have decided.

I experienced time's mysterious movements in a special way this week. Answering the phone, I heard a hesitant male voice ask if this could be someone named Carol? I said it not only could be, it would be and he chuckled. You probably won't remember me, said he, but my son died of AIDS 15 years ago and you spent a lot of time with us in the hospital.

Well, did I remember! Of course, I told him. I could never forget you. You and your son were unforgettable. He was calling to ask my advice about another situation, but we moved way beyond that topic, recalling his fine son, him updating me on the rest of his family and offering sympathy for my husband's death. We remembered when his son and my mother were in the same nursing facility. We noted that if that young man had been diagnosed with AIDS more recently, he would probably still be alive. I told him of Robert and the fun and challenge of living so far apart. He rejoiced with me and said how much my presence had helped in those awful days of pain, fear, and ultimately death. For us, no time had passed. We might have talked last week, we were so open and comfortable together. At least three times he offered to end the conversation, saying he didn't want to take "too much of my time". He couldn't possibly "take" too much of "my" time and on we talked!

Eternal Life is where time has no meaning--where all is right now. I was given a small foretaste of Heaven this week. I am deeply grateful. Not enough time to get ready for Christmas? It doesn't matter. It truly doesn't.

A Different Point of View

I know. I haven't written recently. Love takes time!!!

Little dog, Tessa, has taken to using the front yard for her toilet. Not sure why. Maybe she was tired of the scenery in the back. I have noticed the difference, too. This is me, thinking: "Oh, this is how the front yard looks in the morning. I never noticed how pretty that birch tree is. I need to work on the front garden. I can see the mist over the grass in the park across the way and the sun light sparkling on the dew in my neighbor's yard. It's very pretty out here. I didn't "see" this before in quite this way."

Seems a good metaphor for my changing point of view in life. The glow of being in love has softened my inner being. I attribute this change to the prayer life Robert and I experience daily. Even when we don't feel much like doing it, we pray, morning and evening. And always it brings us closer to God and one another and to ourselves. We learn, we marvel, we question, we wonder, we ponder, we puzzle, we give thanks, we celebrate, we stand in awe. The discipline of beginning and ending the day intentionally opening ourselves to God's ever-present Presence has changed us, given us a rhythm, a continuity, a remembering of who and Whose we are. The tone of our conversation, even of our voices, changes after we've done the prayers. We see things from a different point of view and we observe how that seeing has affected those around us, those we know and love and total strangers.

As I write, it is the most beautiful Michigan morning--cool, sunny, crisp. There is a hint of the approaching autumn, that loveliest of seasons in my opinion. May you see life through the eyes of Love today, through the Eyes of God. May your point of view be a deep blessing!

Remember to breathe, laugh, look and listen!

"What is this thing called Love?"

You've heard the saying "be careful what you wish for", implying that if it shows up you might be sorry. First of all, I am NOT sorry! Falling in love with Robert is one of the most wonderful things that has ever happened to me, second only to being married to Norris and giving birth to the wonderful Melissa.

We often wish to be happy. I am happy. Is it easy? Is it stree-free? Am I totally comfortable with it? No. No. No. Two months ago I was tooling along, mostly accepting the widowhood status, joining the fitness center, enjoying my friends and spiritual direction practice, kind of "fishing" for a new man in my life. I was independent, could come and go as I chose, didn't have to please anyone but my dog and two cats; I had freedom.

Now I'm a "prisoner of love". Now there is someone who cares. Now there is someone for whom I care. Decisions aren't made lightly. My time is not just my own. Now others miss my presence. Now I don't know if I'm coming or going. Now I don't know if I want to stay in Lansing or move to Santa Fe. Now he doesn't know either. Now I pray with him morning and evening, even when I don't feel like it. He does the same. Now I try to think of ways to surprise and please him; he does the same.

Why is it so hard to change? Especially when the change promised is the best thing you can think of? Because we're creatures of habit, I guess. Because we like security and predictability, I guess.
Because we're a bit afraid of the new, I guess.

Would I have things any other way? Not a chance! I am grateful to my core. This "thing" called love is exciting, stimulating, creative, delightful, sometimes painful, always a deep joy! May God help us to change, to fall into love, to touch the other, and through that touch, help to heal the world.

Summer Solstice

As I write on this beautiful June evening, the longest hours of daylight in the year, I listen to a collection of songs which I received in the mail today from a wonderful man. He has become so dear to my heart in just a few short months, after we connected in an e-course on The Spirituality of Gratitude. And each of us has become increasingly grateful for the other and for our growing relationship.

Today I had tea with a friend who has gone through a terrible physical ordeal. She struggles to come back to who she was before or to find a new direction, filled with conflicting emotions and uncertainties.

After she had shared her story, I felt it was OK to tell her about the "new life" I'm experiencing. After over five years of learning to be independent, of living alone, of surviving without my partner of 40 years, of suffering deep loneliness, God has opened the way to another love, one that is rich in every way, with God at the center. New love doesn't cancel the old, of course, but it brings discovery, hope, fun, delight, opportunities, joy, gratitude.

I could see how the radiance of my face was infectious; how my friend began to smile and how her eyes sparkled. The love he and I have found is spilling over into other lives, as each of us desires to be more patient, more trusting, more gracious, more pleasant with everyone we encounter, with all life. It is a privilege and joy to share our happiness with you, whoever reads this.

Jesus said, "I have come that you may have life and that you may have it more abundantly." May you find life ever more abundant, friend, even in the midst of all the fears, concerns, wonderments, changes, confusions. Love is stronger than all of it!